“Just knowing I am not alone … I am able to live out loud for the first time in my existence.”
The term “Objectum-sexuality” didn’t exist when you were discovering your sexuality. Can you tell me about the process you went through in realizing and accepting that you were attracted to objects?
I believed but didn’t believe I was the only one. While I knew of only me, something told me that there had to be others who connected to objects like this. When I was young, everyone thought it was cute that I was so attached and would cling to certain objects. Once I hit my teen years, that all changed in view of puberty and the horrid thought that I might actually be exploring my sexuality with an object and not saving myself for marriage to a man. This shock that I was indeed an anomaly struck me down hard and I hid my affections out of self-preservation.
Yet that never stopped me from testing the waters with people I thought might also be in relationships with objects. Such as my friends who were musicians or athletes. I would question them in ways that I hoped might signal some deeper attachment. But I always came up empty. It was very frustrating that I couldn’t ever find another person and I began to fear that I was not only wired differently, but wired wrong. It was a horrible feeling to have for something that felt so right. I couldn’t simply shut off my feelings or disconnect from the objects.
Though I did tell my closest friends over the years, I didn’t have anything to call it and it was as though I was speaking without substance and this made me vulnerable to skepticism and criticism. My closest friends never judged me but my family did in the worst way and I was cast aside like an object for the fact of loving an object.
It was not so much that people had a problem with my loving an object or having intimate relations with an object but the simple fact that I had no sexual attraction to people. And for this reason I am often considered asexual and that seems to be a more difficult pill to swallow. How is it possible a human being has no sexual interest in another human being for which we are built to mate with? Inconceivable!
Though when I did have a “coined” term to append to my definition, I was received with much more credibility and my jugular was no longer exposed to those looking for a weakness in my being. Just knowing I am not alone, having flown all over the planet Earth to meet others like me, I am able to live out loud for the first time in my existence.
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